Patience

It's been a few days since I've written and I find that I have really missed this. I can't believe that my babies are 12 weeks old already! They are getting so strong and every single day they become more aware of their surroundings. They smile on a regular basis now and I am fairly sure there is NOTHING better in this world than the sweet smiles of my angel faced baby boys. Watching them smile does something good for my soul.

I find myself uttering the phrase "I can't wait for them to..." a lot these days. I can't wait until the first time they laugh. I dream about that sound. I can't wait until they are interested in playing with their toys. I can't wait until they reach for me. I can't wait for them to sit up. I think part of that is a new mother's worry that my babies are behind but part of it is that I just can't wait until they are a more active part of our family.

I shouldn't want things to go faster though. Time is already flying by and I know that sooner than I am ready for it they will be off to pre-school. I dread the day that I have to drop them off at school for the first time. Right now I can protect them and nurture them and spoil them. I am great at doing all of the above! I know that no one loves my children more than I do and I can't even think of just letting go- even if it's for just a few hours per day.

As I type this I can hear my little Connor humming. He serenades us through the night and I pray that I will always remember that sound. Like his smiles it does something good for me. I can also hear Casey's rhythmic breathing and I wonder if he loves his brother's song as much as I do. I'll bet he does. It must be the song people hear all day in Heaven.

My sons are my world. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for them. I am honored to be their Mother and even though there are times I am impatient for the next developmental milestone so I know they are OK I really do enjoy the way things are now. I know that when they wake in the night to eat there will be a moment when their little tummies are full and they'll snuggle up under my chin and sleep there peacefully until I lay them down again.

And every once in a while they smile in their sleep.

And it does something good for me.

Even when I don't see it- I feel it.

It's those smiles that make me realize that being a mother is what I was born to do and that despite the fact I feel impatient occasionally- I'm happy with right now.

However...

I can't wait...

until they wake up to eat so I can cuddle with them.