I am having a really rough night.

For the last almost 20 months we have held and rocked our boys to sleep. The last few weeks it has become apparent that this is no longer working. We decided to try a new method for bedtime. We held and snuggled the boys for about 30 minutes and then we laid them down, kissed them on their sweet little heads and walked away.

Casey has been crying for what seems like a lifetime but has really only been about 15 minutes. I feel like the worst mother ever. I want so badly to run up and get him but he needs to learn to get to sleep on his own or he will be 35 and cuddled on my lap for a nap.

This is so hard. I m not sure who has cried more- me or him. I think me.

Awful.

I want the guys to be independent. I don't know if this is the way to go about it but it's the road we are traveling now.

I hate this road.