New Year, New beginnings

First let me say, I hope everyone had a VERY Merry Christmas (or Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza... whatever the case may be!) and that your Holidays were as happy and blessed as ours were!

Tonight we will be ringing in the New Year in typical Wilkinson fashion- at home in our jammies. Matthew and I will likely watch something on Netflix and Casey and Connor will be in bed sleeping by 8 pm. We were supposed to go to a wedding tonight but as usually happens- plans just fall apart. We are getting hammered with snow, Casey is CRABBY and Matt has one of his awful migraine headaches. Those 3 things equal no wedding for us but we are sending out warm wishes for a long and HAPPY marriage to Joy and Mike- you two deserve amazing things! Best wishes!!

I like to look back at the year as we move forward to a new year and this year was FULL of outstanding things! Casey and Connor learned to walk, learned to climb (nothing is safe anymore!) and they learned to use the stairs by themselves. They learned several signs and are beginning to use them more frequently though they do still resort to crying and misbehaving when they want something and we are not getting it fast enough. The boys accompanied me to 16 sessions with 3rd year med students at Akron Children's Hospital and the Genetic Anomaly conference at Case Western. They have shown so many people how fabulous they really are! Their Facebook fan page is over 570 fans, the blog has nearly 27,000 page views and has reached countries I have had to look up on a map to know where they are!

Most recently, the boys got to play in the snow for the very first time. They were not able to walk well enough last winter to put them out in the snow so it was a very memorable experience here a few days ago!

We survived Connor being hospitalized twice with dehydration and his also getting 2 stitches in his head after falling down the stairs. We went through 2 pairs each of SureSteps orthotics and 1 pair of crickets shoe inserts for Casey.   We went through countless diapers, transitioned to toddler beds, watched the movie CARS 4 bazillion times and watched as the boys adjusted to having a baby sister!

The miracle men were in their first Christmas program at church and they became the January 2013 page of the Summit DD calendar!

Overall, it was an exciting and wonderful year!

This year we are looking forward to starting pre-school, making new friends and continuing with Medical education at Akron Children's Hospital. We will happily forgo any hospital stays though!

All in all, the blessings we had were numerous, the bad days were few and the memories and smiles were countless.

In 2013, we wish you and yours nothing but love, good health and good fortune. We wish for you to remember that life is all about your attitude. Just think of this- ANYONE can enjoy a good day- it takes a strong person to find the joys in the bad days. May you always be able to find the joys, share a smile and take the time to help a friend or stranger. The smallest acts of kindness can make a huge difference. Please help spread the words that I write that we may reach many more people this year and they can learn that Down Syndrome is a blessing not a burden!

Most importantly, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing in our fantastic journey! We are thrilled you are along for the ride!

God Bless and Happy New Year!
With LOVE,
Meghan

Heaven gained 26 angels

We took the boys and Reagan to get new photos taken yesterday. I was sick. I was really sick actually and by the time we finished picking which portraits we would purchase I took the keys from Matt and headed out to the van to wait in the quiet until they were finished printing the chosen photos and we could go home and I could bury my aching head under covers. Rather than making me wait Matt drove me home and I went straight to bed and buried my whole self under 3 blankets and a pillow willing the pounding in my head to cease and the rolling in my stomach to calm. Most importantly, I slept.

I slept so hard and could not tolerate sound or light that I missed the news of another school shooting until I woke up around 6 pm.

I just wanted to crawl back into my safe cocoon and un-know that 20 children and 6 adults were murdered in a place that parents should feel safe sending their babies. I can't even imagine the horror. Truthfully, I don't even want to try.

I don't want to put myself in those parents' shoes. I can't. My mind just can't go to a place that is filled with such pain. I have cried for them and their precious angels. I have wept and thanked God that it was not my kids. I have questioned HOW and WHY this keeps happening. Mostly, I just hope and pray it stops.

The thing that got me the most yesterday was when I looked over my sweet little boys staring in wonder again at the lights on our Christmas tree and I got excited again thinking about Christmas morning when they see that in addition to the beautiful lights they will be surrounded by their loving family and brightly colored packages that are mostly for them and their baby sister. I thought of the joy of the Holiday and how that joy comes from the innocence of children and their unbridled excitement- barely contained in their tiny bodies. I thought of the smiles I will flash at my husband when our children are opening gifts and playing with new toys or stealing the toys their sister receives. Then my mind reminded me that we live in a world where there are 20 more children who will not come running down the stairs to check if Santa had come.

I hate my mind.

I hate that it can go from the happiest of thoughts to ones of unbearable sadness in such a flash.

And I just let the tears fall. I left my cheeks unwiped and I allowed my heart to feel the ache of 20 little angels in Heaven and the 6 adults who joined them there. I let my whole self shake at the thought of losing one of my babies.

I looked at Matt and at Casey and at Connor and at Reagan and I called my mom and when I knew every person that my heart holds most dear was safe I felt like I could breathe. And then I remembered that my angels would be starting school in less than a month and we would be sending our two little men out into the world and we would just have to pray that they would be safe. And I have to say- even with as much faith as I have in God and in His love- I am terrified to send my children to a place where I can't be with them, protecting them myself. I have to send them out into a world where people wander about with anger and hate in their hearts and one day they decide to let the evil take over and they kill. Maybe they kill just one person and we don't hear about it or they kill 2 or 3 and it may get a brief mention on the nightly news. Or, as happened today in Connecticut, the person decides to forever change the entire world and take away 20 innocents. 20 people who have never hurt someone and who still viewed the world as a place of wonder and saw the joy in everyday things. That man also took away 6 adults- some of whom used their bodies to protect those children. My mind can't comprehend the evil that does this. My mind doesn't understand the world that we live in that allows such hate to exist.

I don't know what to do about all this. I don't have any answers. I have prayers and hopes that we can somehow save humanity from itself. I pray that I NEVER have to bury one of my children. I pray that those families that do can find some kind of peace.

For now, I will hold my kids extra tight. I will continue to hug them and love them and smell the backs of their heads in that soft little spot at the base of their skulls and at the top of their necks where their hairline is- that special place where they smell like Heaven still. I will find more patience than I do other days when my boys are being typical 3 year olds. I will find a smile for them when they are trying to play with the baby by sitting on her thinking she can wrestle like daddy does rather than an expression of annoyance that despite being told 4 million times they still sit on her. I will be thankful that I have another day of waking up with my world completely intact and I will be able to kiss them over and over again. I can hug them to my chest and though they may struggle to get free so they can play and run and climb they will still turn to give me a quick fist bump and smile before they run off to adventure.

In short- I still have my babies. I am incredibly blessed and I know it. And for that I thank God for His love and for Him allowing me to have my babies and my husband.

I thank Him that we still can experience the JOY this season. It will be tempered with sadness for the families that do not have joy, that have only heartache.

To the parents in Connecticut, I don't know you. But my heart is with you. My prayers are with you. I am so sorry. I, along with millions more, shed tears for you and your children.

And to those babies that were lost- all 26 babies, because they were all someone's children- I pray that you are at peace, that you are surrounded by all that loved you who left the world before you and that you can see the impact you have made in this world. This mother's heart breaks that you won't be here with those that love you who remain here. God bless you all, sweet babies. You won't be forgotten.

God bless us all.

-Meghan

I have an announcement

As most of you know my real passion in life is advocating for my boys and others with Down syndrome. That is where my heart always leads me, in whatever direction is necessary to make an impact on the community and the larger world and how they view those with disabilities. Once again, Casey and Connor have helped me with direction in my life and have opened a door that I never would have considered before I was blessed with my miracle men.

A few posts back I mentioned an opportunity to help many with disabilities and I wrote how I was afraid to admit how much I wanted to be able to have the chance to make a real difference. Well, friends, guess what?? Last night, my appointment to the Board of the County of Summit Developmental Disabilities Board was confirmed! I will begin my 4 year term in January and I will be part of a board that has made Summit County one of the very best counties in all of Ohio in which to live for someone with a disability!

The Summit DD serves more than 4,000 people and their families providing services like Early Intervention, Community Employment services, housing options, transportation and so much more. You can learn more at www.summitdd.org.

I am so honored to have been chosen and I am really looking forward to helping make things even better. My family has been so incredibly blessed by the Summit DD. We watched our sons THRIVE with Early Intervention and every person we have encountered with the Summit DD has been kind, compassionate, helpful and supportive.

Our Early Intervention team became a part of our family. In the beginning, I would find myself looking forward to the visits from out Intervention Specialist and our phenomenal pt/ot team, Help Me Grow service coordinator and our Speech therapist. I would look forward to their visits because they always came out with great attitudes and wonderful suggestions for ways to help Casey and Connor learn and grow. I honestly believe that without early intervention we would have been lost. Instead, with their help and support, we all grew and learned and our confidence also grew. I knew we were doing the right things to help our miracle men reach their full potential. Our experience with early intervention made me feel like I was not alone and like I was supported even when there were days I was certain I was making nothing but mistakes.

And now, I get to pay it forward.

What a blessing!

So, celebrate with me, friends! I am so excited for this new journey!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Miracle Men!

As of yesterday Casey and Connor are 3 years old! Time has flown by and though I have been present for every day of their lives I find it hard to believe it has already been 3 years since the miracle men arrived in our lives. It has definitely been an adventure and a wonderful journey!

We spent the day yesterday at Akron Children's Hospital where we go every Tuesday to do medical education. My mom and I take the boys and Reagan to talk to small groups of 3rd year med students about Down syndrome. It always amazes me how many of these future physicians have never met a person with DS. So, we go and let them meet Casey and Connor and ask questions and I share my story, my feelings and thoughts about being a parent to children with Down syndrome. It is an incredible blessing to be able to go and do this every week.

There have been a few of these students that have really made an impact on me. "Dr. Matt" is one I have written about and yesterday was Kellan (or maybe it was Kellen). He will be a wonderful doctor. He was asking wonderful questions and I really felt like he will be the kind of doctor that takes the time to actually listen to patients and in my opinion that is one of the most important qualities a doctor can have- good listening ears.

Some of his questions had me really thinking and trying to explain just what a gift my boys have been to me and to my family. In honor of their birthday I would like to take a few minutes to tell all of you what I came up with.

Kellen/an asked me several questions but one in particular really made me think. He asked something along the lines of have I ever considered what my life would have been like if C&C were typical. That was not his exact question and I may have misinterpreted what he was asking but that's what my momma brain heard and processed. The simple answer to that question is yes.

I would be lying if I were to say I have never imagined what my life would be like if Casey and Connor were not my miracle men. I have thought about it a million times. I think we would still be a happy family but I think I would have gone back to work. I may have gone back to school by now. I would have loved them as fiercely as I do now so that would be the same. I would have expected them to always try their best- again no change from my life now. I would have been singing with them, laughing with them, sharing adorable photos of them with anyone with a cell phone or facebook page. So, really nothing would have been that different. Well, that's not entirely true- I would have had more free time- time not dedicated to weekly speech therapy, twice monthly physical therapy, bi-monthly feeding clinics, 2 visits monthly with Help Me Grow and Early Intervention, blood work to check their thyroids and CBCs to make sure there was no indication of leukemia. There would have been no visits to orthopedists for helmets and foot braces, cervical x-rays to rule out AI (atlantoaxial instability) and no need for EKGs to rule out heart problems like endocardial cushion defects. There would have been no need to KNOW words like endocardial cushion defects, atlantoaxial instability, duodenal atresia (or the need to know it presents with the classic double bubble)- no need to know the increased risk of leukemia or early onset of Alzheimer's. I feel like I could teach a class on the laundry list of crap that can come with that bonus 21st chromosome. But really, with all of that comes something amazing- the biggest thing that would have been different if Casey and Connor were not who they are- if they didn't have designer genes- is that *I* would be different.

When I look back on the person I was before my sons I can tell you that I am not proud of who I was. I was impatient, judgemental, cranky, lacking direction or any ties to my faith. Sure I smiled and loved to tell my cheesy jokes and I was outgoing but I was different. I was less. I was... incomplete. I was like a puzzle with missing pieces that you didn't realize were missing until you got to the end and noticed the damn dog was busily chewing up the last pieces you needed to complete the picture.

And then, on December 4th, 2009, that changed.

The dog dropped the pieces he was gnawing on and they were tapped into place- a little soggy, a little worn, but they were there and the puzzle finally came together.

My world changed.

I changed.

And it was for the better.

I still struggle with impatience and I still have a temper. However, I am far quicker to walk over to a person I don't know and ask if I can help them if I see them struggling with something. I have learned from my sons to not give up on anything. I have learned to look at people and see a friend not yet made. I see every hand as one worthy of a high five, a fist bump or an " it's a real pleasure to meet you" hand shake. I have learned to slow down and enjoy the little things. I have learned to recognize the infinite joy that comes from something that seems so simple like bubbles (even better in the living room!!) or an empty shoe box (Hello deluxe garage for toy cars!). I have learned that I *CAN* reach people and share the message of the gift of my children and I can do it in a way that may make them re-think how they view Down syndrome. My sons have given me courage. My sons have given me a voice. My sons have restored my faith in God and man. My sons have shown me that life is NEVER set in stone and that anything can change the path you *think* you are on and you may just find yourself on an adventure beyond your wildest dreams. My sons have given me many, many gifts. Every day is an honor to be their mother. Every moment I have with them- even the *really* trying toddler moments- are better because they are in my world.

Casey and Connor have taught me many things. But the thing I cherish the most- the best lesson I have learned from my sweet faced little angels is that it is ALWAYS acceptable to LOVE without reservation, without limitations and without hesitation. They have taught me that a smile that doesn't light up your whole self is not a true smile. They have given me the gift of laughter. They have shown me that even though I may not have a Grammy winning voice that I can belt out "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" with the best of them and my renditions of Billy Joel's "Lullaby" or Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" could bring any audience to their feet. To their little ears there is nothing sweeter than mommy's voice singing them to sleep. What an incredible blessing.

Casey and Connor look at me and they think I can do anything. Puzzle too hard- give it to mommy! Can't get your socks on? Mommy's got it covered! I am the keeper of the graham crackers and Goldfish and the reader of  "Goodnight Moon" and "Pajama Time". I am the singer of crazy little tunes while we brush our teeth, put our pants on or march like dinosaurs down a very public hallway. In short- I am a hero to my kids. I love them unconditionally and in the biggest way I know how. I am not a perfect mommy but I am their mommy and that is a pretty damned amazing job.

As I reflect on the last 3 years I am left with a full heart and a joyful soul. God has given ME a gift that I still don't know how I deserve. He has given me a do over. God has given me 2 children who make it seem criminal to not try to be the best me I can be. I have been given something many people would love to have- a second chance to be a person to be proud of, looked up to and maybe even admired a little.

So, yes. Yes, I have imagined my life if Casey and Connor were born without the extra chromosome and I have to honest- it's not nearly as sweet as the life we are living now. Sure things are challenging at times and we have some extra appointments that other families don't have to worry about and yes, my head is crammed full of lots of scary medical terms. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade any of the little inconveniences for the mountains of blessings that have been heaped on me because of my miracle men.

The true miracle of Casey and Connor is their power to completely transform a person.

I am sitting here wondering how we are so blessed to celebrate their birthday and yet WE are the ones that got the true and best gifts of all.

Happy Birthday, my little men. There are not words to tell you how much you mean to me. My life was worth nothing before you came along. You have given me purpose, passion and limitless love. For the rest of my life I will give thanks every day to God for giving me YOU!

I love you.

It's all about communication

I'm back. I often wonder if I keep this blog just for therapy purposes! I find I want to write when I have too much in my head to process and this is one of those times. Hi again!

Casey and Connor are just about 2 weeks away from being 3! THREE! How did the time go by so quickly? And because my miracle men are turning 3 we are getting ready to embark on a new adventure- Preschool. Uggh. Don't mistake my uggh for anything other than my disbelief that my little babies are now not so little and are ready to take their first steps toward their futures.

I am thrilled, so far, with the school where they will be going. It is just a few blocks from our home and it is a wonderful program where up to 3/4 of the students in their class will have some form of disability or delay and the remaining 1/4 will be typically developing. It is likely that some of the children in their class will be with them in elementary school and they will be comfortable with the boys and the boys with them. Their teachers seem wonderful and caring and the therapists and their assistants all seem fantastic as well. I know that they will thrive.

I am still sad. Not for them- solely for myself. My babies will now be out there in the world without me for about 12 hours a week. They will encounter other adults and children. I have to trust that everyone they meet will be kind and caring and I have to trust that they will be safe. This is especially difficult given that the boys are non-verbal and we have to rely on their moods, gestures and occasional temper tantrums to decipher their wants and needs. My stomach is in knots but I just keep praying that God will watch over my babies and that the school district has done their jobs and hired and contracted the best people for the job. Having faith is easy on paper (or computer screen) but in the dark of night when I am laying in my bed unable to sleep it is a different animal altogether.

Which brings me to my biggest issue I am having lately. Having 3 kids is a lot of work. Having 3 kids under the age of 3 is a bigger challenge and having 3 children who are all unable to communicate at this point is by far the biggest challenge I have ever faced. Casey and Connor are essentially non-verbal. They have a few signs they can use when prompted but rarely do they do so spontaneously. They can sign milk, more, eat, cracker, cereal and fish (which is for both the actual fish and the delicious cracker version). If something hurts them or they are tired or frustrated or sad or bored they have no way to let us know. They get frustrated that we aren't figuring out their wants and needs immediately and then they throw themselves on the floor and cry or throw toys over the baby gate into the kitchen or hit one another or the baby. They only act out when they need or want something and I have to be honest- it is extremely frustrating.

Connor Thomas in meltdown mode. Good times!!

If you have never been in a situation where you have ZERO idea what someone wants or needs and they just cry and scream or hit you or their sibling you can't truly understand what I am saying. It makes you feel like an inadequate parent, it makes ME feel like a complete and utter failure. And it frustrates me which makes me feel worse because I don't want to be *that* mom. The mom that wishes the day would be over so she can put her kids in bed and close the door and BREATHE. I LOVE my babies- I don't want to wish away their childhoods.

I adore my children. I would give my very heart and soul to be able to protect them and ensure that they have everything they need. To not know what they want or need kills me. I didn't realize what a big problem this was until the other night when Connor fell down the stairs. At first, we thought he was just shaken up and didn't immediately see anything wrong with him. We put him in the bathtub and it was not until I went to wash his hair that I saw the gash on his head. He was bleeding- not badly but bleeding nonetheless- and we took him to the ER where he got 2 stitches to close a wound that went all the way down to his skull. I felt like the biggest failure, completely incompetent as a parent. Had Connor had a way to tell me he was hurt, I could have attended to his needs immediately. Instead it was just luck that I saw it and I feel ill when I consider what could have happened had it not been bath night and had we not gotten his head closed up before it got infected. 

This communication gap we have is becoming a bigger problem than I wish to admit. On the days when I am alone all day not only can the boys not tell me what they want they don't always grasp what I need them to understand when there is no one else here to help me keep them safe- don't sit on the baby, no climbing on the table, don't hit the dog, please, for the love of God- don't throw your milk again because it explodes all over the floor and I have already mopped it up twice already! Then I get frustrated and I feel like I want to rip my hair out or cry. Sometimes I do both. And then I feel like an awful mother for not keeping my shit together. It's quite the cycle!

I don't complain about our lives much. I have so much to be thankful for and so little to be sad about but I have to admit- it is really difficult caring for children who do not speak. It's difficult to gauge what they understand and what they don't. At one evaluation the estimated cognitive age level for the boys was about 18 months. Imagine having a child with the energy and the will of a 3 year old with the understanding of an 18 month old. It can be trying. And you have to know I feel like a supreme jerk for writing these words. I do. I just don't know how to help and I am so tired of not knowing what to do to help them understand or to help them tell us what they need and want. I feel like I am letting them down. I *am* letting them down. And that is my biggest issue- I am failing my sons and that just breaks my heart in a way that I can't express.

Casey with a bite mark on his back from Connor.

Set aside the fact that in 3 years of being a mother I have never been called mom or mommy or mama by my children, that I have never heard the words I love you from them- those are painful things but in the grand scheme of things they are not that important. I would give ANYTHING to know what the boys want and need. I would do ANYTHING to help them. We have been going to speech therapy every week for over a year and they can now make awesome animal sounds but those sounds are not yet translating into anything we can use to make their lives better. I have faith that eventually they will but as of yet, they are not.

I think at this point I am going to end this rambling nonsense. I feel like I am bitching about the two most incredible little boys I know but please, PLEASE know that is not my intention. I am just trying to survive the toddler years. I needed to get all that out of my head and onto a screen where I can come and reread it later to see that while we have numerous blessings there are some challenges and that it's okay for me to feel overwhelmed at times. I have to trust that God didn't give me more than I can deal with- that He knew I would figure it out. I just haven't yet. I just keep praying hard for patience and gentleness and then I pray for forgiveness when I screw up- which is often. I hope that my boys can forgive my many shortcomings and just know with no doubt that I love them more than my own life and that my frustration is not with them but with my own inability to help.

Thanks for reading my therapy posts. If you have experienced these feelings and wish to share, please do so. I think it helps to know you are not alone and I KNOW there are other parents on this journey who read this blog who either ARE feeling this way or have felt this way. Can anyone out there offer any insight? Comment here or email me at meghan_wilkinson10808@yahoo.com

Love, Meghan

Dream Until Your Dream Comes True

I have always liked the band Aerosmith. Actually, the very first concert I ever went to was Aerosmith at the Richfield Colosseum in 1994. I was a freshman in high school and I went with my friend Kasha. We sat in the nosebleed seats and it was the first time I had ever been around anyone who was smoking pot. The guys next to us were pretty heavy smokers and about 1/4 of the way through the show one of them threw up on the floor next to us. We didn't even care. It was a magical night. It was our first foray into "adulthood" and we felt bigger than life. Well, I did and I am imagining that's how she felt, too.

As I said it was my first concert. Everything about that night, the sound of music blaring out at you, the smells of beer and cigarettes and yes, pot, all mixing with my Estee Lauder Pleasures perfume I got from the family I babysat for through junior high and high school. It. Was. Awesome. I had been a fan of Aerosmith from a young age. I remember seeing the video for "Rag Doll" while sitting on an exercise bike at my mom's gym when I was 7 or 8 and thinking A.) that girl's underpants are showing and B.) I LOVE this song. I had no clue what it meant but that music moved me.

There is a point to all this, I swear. The part of that night I remember the very most was when I heard the song "Dream On" for the very first time live. I. Was. Blown. Away. I will never forget that moment. Or that song. I think of that song as one of many on the soundtrack of my life. Something about it just gets to me. It has inspired me countless times and I find that usually happens when I need it the most.

It got me again today. I was thinking about how when I was pregnant with Casey and Connor my dreams for them were pretty standard- play sports, be well liked, always like me the best because they're both mommy's boys, go to college, be something outstanding, give me lots of grandchildren to spoil. After I heard the words Down syndrome that all changed. For awhile I had no dreams for their futures. I dreamt for their immediate lives- I dreamed that they would smile, laugh, coo, hold their heads up, sit unassisted, stand, walk. I didn't go much past those basics.

It's amazing how things changed and how I was looking at their lives in small bites. I was looking at their every accomplishment as reason for celebration and didn't bother thinking much further or bigger. Until the last 6 months or so and things have once again changed.

More back story- when I was young I went to Kent State University. I went right after high school and I didn't really know what I wanted out of life. I just went because I was supposed to go. I didn't really have a dream for myself. I just wanted to do what I was supposed to do. I chose Early Childhood Education as my major because I liked kids well enough and I figured I could do that as a career. I was never really invested in the idea though. Long story short- I failed out of college. Not just failed out a little- like in a BIG, BIG way. I failed at something that I never truly gave any thought to but I was really sad that I let the opportunity get away from me. Not all was lost- I met one of my very best friends at KSU and she and I remain very close. I also learned that I am not so great unless I have a clear dream and direction.

I have not had a clear dream or direction in, well, ever. That is until my world changed completely and I was given my miracle men and their sweet baby sister. I have dreams now- for all of us and while they do include a number of small things ( I am still waiting to hear the word mommy) I find I am planning much farther ahead.

I am dreaming of my angels changing the world. I want them to work hard and accomplish amazing things. I dream of watching Casey and Connor being handed high school diplomas- not certificates of completion- DIPLOMAS. I dream of them going off to college- maybe even Kent State which now has a great program for adults with Down syndrome. I dream of Reagan becoming an advocate for anyone who struggles. I dream of filling her head with positive things and confidence and the wisdom to share those gifts with the world. I dream of raising my children to become kinder than I was, stronger than I am and far more focused than their momma ever managed to be herself. I want my children to go out and make this world a better place to be and I want them to do it in a BIG way. I want them to shatter preconceived notions and to challenge the idea that some are worth more than others. I want them to go out into the world and I want the world to take notice. In short- I want them to be successful and kind and loving but to also be great at whatever they choose to pursue.

In honor of those dreams for them I have decided to allow myself to dream for me also. I am really beginning to think of MY future. I want to be something. I want to be someone who makes a difference. I want to live up to all the potential I ignored all those years ago at Kent State University. I know I want to go back to school. I am not sure for what yet. I have it narrowed down to  a few possibles.

In addition to wanting to go back to school I have also decided to allow myself to want other things. Recently I was approached about running for a position with a well known agency. I can't go into too much more detail but if I decide to pursue this opportunity and I get chosen I could be part of something very important and it would likely help me to help many, many people with disabilities. At first I was hesitant to even admit I wanted this position because, as is my nature, I don't believe I am good enough or qualified enough. But some very good friends gave me the pep talk that very good friends give and I have decided to push the fear aside and go for it- and to admit I really want to be picked. SO, without any other details than that please pray that I am chosen and that this surge of confidence holds. God will know what you're talking about.

On that note, I feel I have written enough tonight. I'll leave you with a part of the lyrics that often inspire me...

dream on, dream on, dream on,
and dream until your dream comes true 

Simple words.
Great meaning.
Better memories.

Keep on Walking the Walk

Hi everyone!

There are days when I feel overwhelmed with life. Having 3 children under 3 is challenging sometimes- okay, a lot of the time. Don't take that as a complaint- it's not, it just is what it is. I love every moment I have with my babies and I am so glad to be fortunate enough to stay home with them. I live such a wonderful life.

THEY LOVE HER!!

To make up for the challenging days, God blesses me with fantastic days. 

Yesterday the boys and I (and my mommy) went to Akron Children's Hospital for round 2 of med student lectures on Down syndrome. I call it a lecture because I can't think of a better word for it but it is really a small group setting where I get to tell my lame jokes and share stories about how Casey and Connor are amazing little people. The first week there were 2 students and this past week there were 4. I have really loved meeting all 6 of them.

Sometimes, you meet people that just make an impression on you. In our group yesterday there was a young man we dubbed Dr. Matt. He was instantly comfortable with the boys and with me- asking great questions and he really seemed to try to get as much out of the session as possible. I was really impressed with him. 

I always tell people about Casey and Connor's FaceBook fan page (www.facebook.com/CaseyandConnor) because I want them to follow the boys and continue to see what they are accomplishing. Both students from session 1 became fans before I got home. Session 2- Dr. Matt became a fan. (Did I mention I really like this guy??) Tonight I logged on to the boys' page to see what new stuff was happening and I was greeted with a comment from Dr. Matt's mom. She told me that her son called her after his shift at the hospital to talk about the boys!!! Awesome. 

The ENTIRE reason I do things like talking to these students or writing this blog or doing the guys' page on Facebook is to touch lives. I do it to touch hearts and change minds. It is my life's mission to share the message that Down syndrome is a gift- not a curse. Dr. Matt showed me that I get it right sometimes. God bless him.

Learning that I am impacting lives (well, if we are being honest, learning that Casey and Connor are impacting lives) makes me so happy. It makes every single challenging moment of raising 3 under 3 seem much easier. I can look at my angel's sweet faces and know that they inspire me to go out and tell our story and I know I am doing it to make this world a better place for the 3 people who make me a better person.

I am inspired to spread our story even further! I will be spending time nearly every Tuesday until next July talking with the small groups of med students at ACH. In September, I am fortunate enough to be one of the parent speakers at Case Western Reserve University's med school during their Genetic Anomaly Correlation Conference. I did this last year and enjoyed the experience immensely.

I would love to have more opportunities to share my sons and our lives with more people. I have spoken at my church, to new parent groups and to med students but I want to do more. I am driven to continue this path to changing the world. I would love the chance to reach out to as many people as I can. I feel like God is calling me to continue walking this path. It is my dream to speak at schools, more churches and to other groups. I will continue to seek out these opportunities. If you hear of anything- keep me in mind. (It's my blog- I can shamelessly plug myself!)

Ok, friends, that's all for tonight. Right now I am debating between sleep and getting a few projects completed without 4 extra hands trying to help me. Thank you again for reading. As always, comments are welcomed and correspondence is appreciated. meghan_wilkinson10808@yahoo.com

 

2 announcements and a request!

Well, I didn't get to do a post yesterday so I will combine the one I planned for last night with tonight's post. As I said before I have some announcements that are rather exciting!
First, Casey and Connor will be in a new children's book about Down syndrome. The concept of the book is to show how typical children and adults with DS truly are. It is a book of pictures showcasing the many hobbies and interests that our kids have. Casey and Connor will be in the book along with several other children and adults including our good friend Toby.

I have never written about Toby before so I feel like you all deserve to know about him. He is 24 years old and absolutely outstanding. My family skydives. It has been a family hobby for more than half of my life. My big brothers are professional skydivers (sweet, right??) and my mom is a coach and used to teach first jump courses at the drop zone where they jumped. I never got the bug like the rest of them but I do have a respectable 7 jumps under my belt. A few years ago Toby came to make his first skydive. Having witnessed several hundred first jumps I was not all that impressed with 99.9% of the people that came to jump. Toby was different because he had this personality that grabbed your attention, a smile that melts your heart and he was just so JOYOUS about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Toby also has Down syndrome.

I had no idea at the time that someone with Down syndrome was capable of jumping from a plane. I had seen a quadriplegic jump but never someone with DS. WOW! Toby did amazingly well and I saw more than one person shed a tear as we all gathered around to watch the video of his jump. Now, several years later, Toby also has 7 jumps and will pass me up next year in July.

Not only is Toby incredible but his family is as well. We all fell in love with them- all of them. I am a firm believer that God brings people into your life at the perfect time and this was no exception. Meeting Toby and seeing what he was capable of blew me away. When my boys were born Toby was one of the first people that popped into my head and it made the diagnosis just a bit easier.

As I mentioned earlier Toby will also be in the book with Casey and Connor and I think he will make more people see how much kids like mine can really do. It's such a blessing to know him and to share this cool experience with him.

So that was the first news.

The second news is another great opportunity for us to share the miracle men with the world. C&C will be going to Akron Children's hospital to participate in medical student lectures about Down syndrome. This is cool because we have the opportunity to speak with future doctors about what our lives are really like and we have their ears to share what we need them to know. So, I need your help, friends. I want to know what one piece of information or one piece of advice you would like the physicians of tomorrow to know about Down syndrome. Please comment on the blog or email me at meghan_wilkinson10808@yahoo.com I will compile a list and copy it to give to the students at the next sessions. I will also post the answers here so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take a moment to respond. This is a huge chance for us to make our voices heard.

Alright, that's it for tonight. My littlest miracle is waking up to eat and then hopefully she will sleep for a solid 6-8 hours so I have the energy to chase those little monkeys around tomorrow! Thanks to my new followers!! We are up to 92 now! Only 8 more to hit my first goal. Also, please make sure you visit and like Casey and Connor at www.facebook.com/CaseyandConnor. They are over 450 fans!

Goodnight!

These are the Days!

Hello again!

First, let me just say WOW! My little blog is well over the 21,000 hits mark and has 89 followers. I am ecstatic! Thanks to everyone who reads and shares my thoughts. Most recently, thanks to those who keep checking to see if I have written anything new and finds that no, I am still far, far behind on my posting. Life with 3 kids under 3 is a lot harder than I expected!!

Let's start there.

Casey and Connor are surprising us every day. They are getting faster, stronger and crazier! Casey went from walking to running and then to climbing on everything. His new favorite game includes standing on things to leap onto the furniture or standing on chairs and benches to give speeches. He is "talking" like crazy but not using any form of English with which I am familiar. It's hysterical.

Our little family at the 2012 North East Ohio Buddy Walk

Connor is up and going, too. He has outgrown his second pair of Sure Steps and we are using Casey's Cricket inserts in Connor's shoes now as their feet are all but identical in measurements. The Crickets really seem to make Connor walk a lot more steadily and that makes him faster. I so love seeing my boys THRIVING!!

Checking out their pool with their shoes and socks on.

Reagan is going to be 11 weeks old on Wednesday. She is such a beautiful baby. She is very strong and very interested in everything. It is such a difference having a "typical" baby compared to one with Down syndrome. She is just so STRONG. Connor was very floppy as an infant. He had very poor muscle tone and was unable to really hold his head up until 3 months old. Reagan has been picking hers up since week 5. She is also trying to roll over, babbling and smiling. She has laughed once and it was just outstanding! With the boys we waited so long for smiles and laughter. It seems so odd that everything just happens on its own with a typical baby. I am learning how to parent all over again. It's different and wonderful all at the same time.

The fact that Reagan is progressing so quickly leaves me with a whole new set of anxieties. I find myself wondering if she will be the one that says "momma" first. And I worry that I will be sad if she does. I have been waiting 32 months to hear that word. I suppose it doesn't honestly matter who says it first but I think that word represents the many things in which Reagan may surpass her brothers. I am trying to learn how to celebrate her accomplishments without comparing her to her brothers and without feeling sad that she has such an easy time with new milestones.

I'm being silly.

I know this.

No two children are on the same timetable and comparing any two children is not advisable. I know this. I do. So why do I find myself doing it? Because I am human and I can't help myself.

I am proud every day of my Miracle Men. They are doing so much and excelling. I look at them and I think that if everyone had the chance to meet them in person, to see them playing and to get to know them there is not one person who would fear Down syndrome. They are such typical toddlers. I never would have expected this when Dr. Feick first uttered the words Down syndrome to me in the recovery room. I never could have predicted how much my life would mirror my friends' lives and how much my boys would behave like any other 2 1/2 year olds. Someone should have warned me! These boys are crazy!

All in all life is great. I don't get enough sleep and I am still fighting the battle of the baby weight and struggling with breastfeeding and I am trying desperately to figure a way to get my guys to eat something other than crackers and dry waffles but I am happy. Sincerely and overwhelmingly happy.

That's all for tonight. But please check back soon because I have a lot more to share and I am hoping to get new posts up tomorrow and Tuesday. I have some exciting announcements to make!

Thanks again for your patience while I settle into being a mom to 3. I hate that there is so much time between posts.

Oh, one more thing before I go!! Can you please encourage your friends and family to follow my blog?? My goal was to hit 100 followers before the end of 2012 and I am only 11 away. It would mean so much to hit that milestone. I'll tell you what! I'll do a give-away at 100 followers. I don't know what yet but I'll keep you posted!!

Take care!

Meg

Our new arrival

It has been far too long since I have written and I can say honestly that I have missed it so much! Imagine my shock when I logged on today to discover that I am very near to 20,000 page views! Wow! When I began this blog I never imagined that I would reach so many people with my words. What an incredible blessing and opportunity.

So, as to my absence... Matthew and I were blessed with the arrival of Reagan Delaney Wilkinson on June 6th, 2012. She was born at 8.2 pounds, 20 inches and a head full of her daddy's dark hair. She is a joy and so different than her brothers. The moment they held her up for me to see she opened her mouth and cried so loudly I smiled. My girl has a voice and she is not afraid to use it- and use it she does! I don't remember the boys crying so much at this stage. Reagan certainly makes her wishes known.

Casey and Connor are adjusting to life with a new sister. They are both fascinated and annoyed by her presence. We have had a few jealousy issues but overall they are great brothers and I know that the three of them will grow to be great friends.

Casey and Reagan

Connor and Reagan

 We have been so busy adjusting to life as a family of 5 but we are all doing great. I am enjoying all the pink clothes and dresses and hair bows and I am loving watching my beautiful boys learning about their sister. I adore watching my husband interact with his daughter- she already has him firmly in the grasp of her tiny little hand. There is so much joy in my heart and love in our home. It is truly a fabulous and wonderful existence I lead.

I am hoping to have more time to update the blog from here on out. I thank you all for reading!

Thanks for all the support.